Top 10 Colleges and Universities for Your Dad to Have Attended

10. Notre Dame. How else would you get tickets to see their legendary football team? They’re still good, right?
9. Harvard. Obv. Opens so many doors for you—like the door to being an uppity dick about college.
8. Swarthmore. Even if you don’t get to go there yourself, you can always sneer at others’ mispronunciation.
7. Berklee. Because dad can probably handle an ax and even people who aren’t familiar with Berklee will assume he went to Berkeley, which, hey, is no slouch.
6. Penn State. Pro: Your dad knows how to party. Con: You may well live in rural Pennsylvania.
5. Strayer University. Kidding! Diplomas from Strayer confer all the rights and privileges of a Strayer graduate on you (or current resident).
4. La Sorbonne. It would be embarrassing if people asked about your father’s alma mater and he said “The U.” It would be crazy awesome if he said “La Sorbonne.” La Fucking Sorbonne.
3. Princeton. I just feel like Princeton should be #3 (it will piss them off). Plus, you’re a legacy not only at a top-flight university, but also at some sort of fancy cafeteria.
2. Washington College. If I can start a rumor that WAC is awesome (ahead of Princeton on this list!), maybe my kids will benefit.
1. School of Hard Knocks. Seems to be the universal #1 school for dads. They never shut up about it.